Forgiveness
by LaFanta
Summary: I have been heartbroken since the season 5 finale, and I just needed to fix myself and make an Emison story because i needed it, thats why. I don't really know for sure where this is going. I don't own anything PLL or otherwise, though I wish I did because wow. I'm going to throw an M on this for now, because I don't know what is going to happen. This is not a summary. #dontcare
1. Chapter 1

It had been over a week since I was released from custody and freed of the charges held against me for the murder of Mona Vanderwaal. It had been just under two weeks since the girls escaped A's dollhouse. I remember never having been as happy as I was that day. My friends, or, old friends were alive and okay.

None the less, a whole week, and I still could not approach Emily. God I wanted to though. Seeing the pain as our eyes met in the halls or in math class. It hurt. To see her in pain killed me. I was a coward though. I couldn't take it upon myself to go and just say even a simple hello. The silence was deadly.

She had tried, I do not suspect she knows that I know, but I have seen her. She rides her bike to my house, but freezes up before approaching the front door and knocking. God, I wish she would just knock on the damn door.

I toyed with the picture in my hand as I lounged on my bed. It had actually come from A the day after it was taken. It was of Emily and I, in bed, kissing. The memory was painful, but I certainly treasured it. The feel of her lips was still with me. I put the picture in its place under my pillow and stretched.

Moving from the bed to the window, I ran my fingers through my hair as I took it out of the ponytail I had it in. I always loved the way my curls and waves fell so evenly, splayed across my shoulders and back. A bird was flitting between branches when I saw her. There she was, the most beautiful girl in all the world, riding up my drive way. I ran out of my room and down the stairs as fast as I could, almost slipping on the bottom few steps.

I swung open my door, just as she was coming to approach it. I looked at her, from head to toe, admiring the shape and delicate curves of the masterpiece in front of me. My eyes briefly landed on her breasts, god she was so beautiful. I dragged my eyes up to meet her eyes, showing no shame in having so blatantly checked her out.

Her eyes were wide as she stared at me, clearly surprised that I had opened the door, "Hi," she mumbled. She shook her head, gosh she was so adorable, "Look, Alison, Ali, I am so sorry, I-" My hand flew up as I indicated for her to stop.

"Look, Em, don't apologize. Don't you ever apologize for anything; I don't want to hear that. I am the one who should be sorry, who is sorry. I am so sorry," I took a moment to breathe and to think of what I really wanted to say, "Em, Emily…look I am so sorry. I am so sorry for everything. I don't even begin to deserve your forgiveness for leaving you like I did. I was a bitch. But I have changed, I swear it. I miss you, Emily Fields. I miss you every day that you aren't near me. I miss our friendship so damn much every single fucking day, it hurts so much. I know it must come off as really strange that I, Alison DiLaurentis, actually do have feelings and emotions," I paused for another breath, "And that's not even scratching the surface. Emily, you are so special to me. You are everything, you are my _âme soeur. _I need you. I tried not to need you, because you deserve so much more, you deserve infinitely more than my sorry ass. But I meant everything I said that night. And I am so sorry that I led you to believe that I didn't return your feelings before. I could never admit to myself that I was in love with you, a girl. I am sure you can relate to that. But I can admit it now. I am. I am so in love with Em. Even after all this time of being gone from you. I am in love with you. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I will forever be sorry for ruining any chance at us," I hadn't realized tears had started to trickle down my face, one by one, slowly flowing down my cheeks.

I braved a look at her and she too had tears running down her cheeks, I reached to wipe them away. I flinched away at first, maybe she didn't want me to touch her. She didn't seem too repelled by it, so I dabbed her tears away with my thumbs. She was so beautiful, even with tears streaking down her face.

"Em, I have wanted to fix things with you, to try and talk to you. I have tried to think of what I wanted to say and just what I wanted in general. And I was trying to think of what you would want, would you even want me to talk to you. I thought I should wait for you to make the first move. But I know you've been trying, or at least it seems like you have. I have seen you ride to my house at least three times, but you never knocked. You never said anything to me. Then today, I happened to see you, and I just couldn't wait, Emily. I needed to speak to you. Because I need you," I finished my unexpected monologue.

The silence between us continued to grow, it felt like the air would pop. I was getting worried. Maybe I over stepped some boundaries here, but I just needed to get these words off my chest.

"I don't know if you plan on speaking to me at all, but I would like it if you came inside. I could make us some tea? My dad's not home, so we won't be interrupted or anything. Please?" I begged her.

She only nodded and I moved out of her way to allow her to step in. I wish I knew what was going through her mind as she was being so quiet. I went to the kitchen retrieving the tea tray and some cookies. Carefully balancing the tray, I walked into the living room to find Em holding a picture of me from the summer before I left.

"You were always so beautiful, Alison," She placed the picture back where she got it, and turned to face me, "I think I can talk now."

I sat down the tray and walked over to stand in front of her, grabbing her hand, I led her to the couch so we could at least be almost comfortable during this horribly awkward conversation that was likely going to take place.

I watched her, keeping a straight face. All I wanted right now was to kiss this lovely girl. To kiss her and hold her and make her see how much I actually do care.

"I guess it's my turn for a monologue. Alison, when you left…you broke me. I didn't know what to do. My first love, taken from me in a matter of hours. Do you have any idea what that felt like? To wake up and find that you were gone, nowhere to be seen. That was the worst day of my life, Alison. Nothing that A ever did could compare to the pain of losing you. Nothing could ever hurt as much as thinking that I had lost you for good. It took me a long time you know, to start remembering how to be normal, to remember how to be functional. It took a long time to figure out how to fix myself enough to continue on living. I threw myself into swimming, and that helped, took up a lot of time and frustration. Eventually I was mostly alone. The four of us, we grew apart quite a bit, as you know. Then when I accepted who I really was, I tried dating other people: Maya, Paige, and Talia. Even though I definitely loved them, it wasn't the same. No one has ever compared to my love that I had for you. I don't think anyone ever will," She paused to gather herself, and I had to interject.

"You said loved…as in past tense. Are those feelings, for me, gone?" The hurt was apparent in my voice. I couldn't look at her, I couldn't bear to face the girl who had all the power right now.

She gently grabbed my chin and turned my head so I was looking at her, "Hey, I still love you, Ali. God I love you. I love you so much. Honestly, I don't think there will come a day that Emily Fields does not love her Alison DiLaurentis," She stared at me, harder than ever before. It was as if she was trying to make a decision. She moved her hand from my chin to my cheek and she leaned in closing the distance between us. Her soft, sweet lips meshed against my own. My tongue grazed her lip, pleading for entrance. The kiss deepened as Emily let me in. Our tongues dancing to our own music. My mind was buzzing, I felt like I was literally getting high off of her. If my heart wasn't racing before, it was now. Time must have sped up, because all too soon, she was pulling away.

"Sorry," she breathed.

"Didn't I say not to say sorry to me, Em," I said with a small smile.

"Ali, I don't know where this leaves us. I want to trust you to believe everything you claim now, but god dammit it is so hard. It's so hard to let go of the pain. To let go of that heartbreak," She was starting to get more frustrated.

"I know what I did is unforgiveable. I know it is. I don't really expect you to forgive me, not after that. I do hope you can learn to trust me again. I promise, no more lies. No more running away. You're my everything, Emily, and I will do whatever it takes to make you see it," I proclaimed with confidence, "I agree though, I don't know where this leaves us either. It's honestly up to you, I want whatever you want, whatever makes you happy. That is all that matters to me, Em. I just need you to be happy again. And if I can help make you happy, then I would certainly prefer that, but if I would make things worse then…" I trailed off, not wanting to face the reality of what that would mean if she didn't want me.

It would make sense for her to want me to leave her alone, even if she does love me still, it would make sense. All I have ever done is hurt her it seems.

She nodded and said, "If you can promise to be honest, I think we can try this. I'm terrified, but I want you, that's all I have ever wanted," she finished looking at her hands.

Time was passing so fast now, surely she would want to leave soon. I don't think I could stand watching her walk away from me just yet, things are still so shaky.

"My dad won't be home tonight, so would you want to stay for dinner?" I looked at her with hopeful eyes, "I could cook for you, and we could maybe watch a movie? I think maybe some together time, just being together could help. But I mean if you aren't up to it…" I trailed off, hopeful that she would take me up on the offer.

She stared into my eyes for a long while before nodding and giving me one of those infamous Emily Fields smiles. It was contagious, I couldn't help but smile back.

I jumped up and trotted into the kitchen, I knew just what I would cook for my mermaid.

She was right behind me and settled herself onto one of the benches at the island counter.

I busied myself around the kitchen, preparing a meal that I had seen on the food network of a restaurant in Paris, maybe I was pushing it, bringing Paris into things, but I'm sure she will like it all the same. This was supposed to be a very popular dish, and we both love scallops.

She didn't speak while I rushed around preparing our dinner, she just watched me. She watched my every move. I didn't look at her, but I could feel her eyes following me. I hope she was enjoying what she was seeing.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked her. The quiet was making me more nervous.

"The honest answer? I am thinking about you. Our past, our present, our…I don't know. There's a lot to think about, ya know? I enjoy watching you cook, you look happy," She spoke softly, barely above a whisper.

I wondered what she had been about to say when she trailed off, maybe she was going to say our future, which would be the logical assumption. I turned to face the beautiful girl, after placing the meal in its final stage of preparation. "I wish I hadn't messed up, Em. I will never regret anything as much as I regret hurting you," I shook my head, trying to think positive for her, "And I am not usually this enthused about cooking, but I happen to be cooking for the most beautiful girl in Rosewood, so that is definitely a mood enhancer." I winked and leaned over the counter across from her, "What kind of movie do you want to watch later?"

She was blushing, I really enjoyed that sight. Emily blushing was definitely at the top of my list of favorite things. I couldn't help but shake my head and smile, it was so strange to think this beautiful girl that I loved but didn't deserve was sitting in my kitchen, blushing at something I had said.

"You're perfect, you know that?" I said, as I began to turn around to check on the food. Before I could turn around, she had grabbed my shoulder and was pulling me towards her and before I knew it she was barely an inch away from me, her eyes staring intently into my own. I closed the gap after some hesitation that I dismissed. I pressed my lips against hers, we moved together in a way that was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Her soft lips fit perfectly against my own. She was perfect for me.

I pulled back after a few moments, she made a slight noise of objection, and I ran my thumbs over her cheekbones as I pulled away. I didn't have enough self-control to be that close to her right now. I winked at the beautiful girl in front of me and hit the timer right before it beeped.

"Hey, Em, could you go upstairs to my room and choose some movies to watch?" I asked her as she watched me taking the food out.

With Emily out of the kitchen I could finally breathe again, this girl is going to be the end of me. I took the time that she was upstairs to light some candles and place the vase of flowers I filled yesterday on the table. I dimmed the lights and set the plates out, presenting the food in an elegant manner as French food should be served.

I grabbed two glasses from the cabinet and set them on the table. I sat us next to each other as opposed to across from each other, hoping she wouldn't mind.

Emily came down the stairs and I placed myself next to the island, leaning casually, hopefully appealingly. As she entered the kitchen, I saw in her hands not only a couple of movies, but the picture of us that I kept under my pillow. I couldn't read the expression on her face. She looked up at me started to ask a question before she noticed the change in scenery.

I took a few steps towards her and took the movies and picture from her and placing them on the counter before grabbing her hands and leading her to her seat.

"I haven't poured the drinks yet, because I don't know what to choose. The meal was served with a wine on the TV but we don't have to drink if you don't want to," I explained.

"I would like a glass of wine, if you don't mind. It might help take the edge off, ya know…" she looked at the empty glass.

Her wish was my command at this point, I made my way to the cabinet and reached for the top shelf wine, the good stuff. I could feel her watching me again, her eyes tracing my body as I stretched.

I hadn't heard her approach me, but her hands on my waist caused a squeal to escape my lips and that produced a chuckle from her.

"Let me help you, which one are you trying to reach?" She looked up at the shelf which was a lot closer to her than to me, "Um, the middle one I think," I watched as she reached the bottle with ease.

She handed the bottle to me and leaned in closer, "Nice tattoo by the way, I like it," I felt the blush creep onto my cheeks. I had gotten a tattoo on my lower back of a capital E in script, surrounded by butterflies, because she gave me butterflies.

"Thanks, for the bottle, and I am glad you like the tattoo. I got it with you in mind," I told her.

"Why the butterflies?" She inquired.

"Because you give me butterflies, Em," I answered while I busied myself pouring the wine.

I sat down next to her, "Bon appétit, beautiful," I said as I began to eat the scallops.

She was quiet again, but she chewed the food with a pleasant expression.

"This is really good Ali, you're a great cook," She smiled over at me, her hair falling in her face.

I pushed her hair behind her ears and smiled, "Thanks Em, I'm glad you like it. I haven't cooked for anyone in a long time, I'm glad it's you that got me back in the kitchen," I ran my hand delicately down her jaw, letting my hand fall into place.

We ate the rest of the meal in silence, but we were slowly gravitating towards each other. Our knees were touching now and we were about as close as we could be without sharing a seat. We finished about the same time and I stood and gathered the dishes and carried them to the sink.

"Can I help you? I can dry," She asked.

"Yeah, if you want," I answered with a smile.

"So, where did that picture come from, why do you have it?" Emily asked calmly, I had wondered when she was going to bring it up.

"A gave it to me, the next day. I have it because despite the creepy story behind its existence, I like the picture. It's helped me get by since then…we look so in love in the picture, Em. I just really appreciate the beauty of it," I explained and picked it up to look at it.

I loved the way her hands are in my hair and there's a smile on my face, anyone could see the love there. I slid the picture into the movie case and looked at the movie she had chosen. Of course it was "Great Expectations."

I looked at her and smiled, grabbing her hand I pulled her into the living room with me. I closed the curtains and grabbed some blankets and extra pillows from the linen closet down the hall. This was going to be a cozy movie night. We took opposite ends of the sofa as we prepared to watch the movie. To be honest I was exhausted, I didn't think I would last that long into the movie. It was about halfway in that I must have fallen asleep.

I awoke out of the first peaceful night of sleep I had in a long time, the first time since that last night that I slept with her. I reached for my phone on the arm of the sofa. It was three in the morning. I tried to move my other hand, but looking down I saw Emily curled into my side. Last I saw she had been on the other end, as far from me as she could possibly get. I bent down and kissed the top of her head, slowly rotating my body so that I was holding her, with her on the inside of the sofa. This was bliss, if anything.

I thought the movement had awoken her. Her eyes were darting under her eye lids. Her face was contorted with despair. Her mouth was moving, as if she was mumbling something. With a whimper, she called out for me, "Alison? Alison! Come back…don't leave me. I love you." My beautiful girl went quiet and I thought she had reverted back to peaceful sleeping, but she was not done speaking yet, "Alison…I love you. I trust you. I will always be your mermaid. Promise me you won't leave again?"

I don't know for sure when I started crying. But I watched over my beautiful girl, "I'm not going anywhere honey, I promise. I love you," With that said, I planted a kiss on her forehead and pulled her closer to me. The whimpering stopped and her demeanor changed into a peaceful sleep again.

Emily was dreaming about me, about wanting me. I nuzzled close to her with a smile on my face and closed my eyes, hoping to get some more sleep.

I awoke some time later to find Emily curled against me and now awake and staring at me.

"Morning, beautiful," I said staring sleepily into her eyes.

She smiled and stretched up to kiss me once, then twice, then three times and it was a deep and passionate kiss.

When she finally broke away she was looking at me with an intense expression around her eyes, "I was so worried I would wake up and yesterday would be a nightmare and that you would be gone and that I would wake up alone and as an empty shell again, like so many times before, I love you, Alison," She kissed me softly this time.

"I will never leave you again, sweetheart, never again. Not after you begged me to stay in your sleep," I laughed and winked then kissed her perfect lips again.

"I talked in my sleep? Are you serious? Oh my gosh, I am so embarrassed! I'm so sorry!" She was blushing and burying her face in my chest.

I stroked her hair and smiled at how cute she was being. She may not realize it, but I am definitely under her spell.

"I think I could lay here forever with you in my arms, and I would never have another want in this world," I whispered to the beauty wrapped in my embrace.


	2. Chapter 2

We laid there for a few hours, dropping in and out of consciousness. Eventually, the thick wall of unspoken words between us was too much for me, I couldn't take it anymore. I stroked her arm and looked into her eyes, "Em, babe, we really do need to talk. As much as I would absolutely love to stay here and just hold you for the rest of time, we need to. It has to happen. Because, there is so much that I need to tell you, to get off my chest. I want this to work, whatever this is, if there even is a 'this'. I want it, whatever we can have, I want you. I need you. I wasn't ready to face myself back then, and I pushed you away because it's all I knew how to do, but I can, I am learning to bring you in and instead of push you out. I can learn to love you like you deserve. If you give me the chance, Em," I paused to gauge her reaction so far.

She was watching me intently. Her intense eyebrows scrunched together, meeting in the middle with a small dimple. I smoothed away the creases of her eyebrows with my thumbs and held the side of her face in my palm. "I want to be with you, Em. I'm ready for it. I promise you, there will be no more lies, no more running. I'm yours forever, and I'm not going anywhere. I know I'm broken, a mess, and I am so difficult. But I love you to the ends of forever, and I want the chance to prove this accurately. You're everything to me," I leaned over and held my forehead to hers, "What do you say, Em? Give me-"

I was cut off by her lips pushing against mine in a clumsy, salty action. Tears were falling and teeth were crashing. Every time I kissed her, it left me overwhelmed. My head was spinning when she pulled away. Warm brown eyes met intense blue eyes, and I swore there was electricity crackling between the two of us.

"Is that a yes?" I asked, trying to contain the fear in my voice that I felt all the way to my soul.

"I want you, Ali. I always have. And I always will. I want this to work, I want us to try. You have to be honest though, all the time, I can't take anymore lies, Alison. I can't. And I won't survive you leaving again. I need you to be with me, by my side, where I can ensure that you are safe and protected and loved. I love you, Alison. I love you more than anything in the world. So yes, it is a yes, we can make this work, Ali," She smiled at me and held my hand close to her face.

"In that case, I want to show you something. Come on, Mermaid," I pulled the beauty up from our nest on the couch. Groans of laziness ensued, but I got her up, and began pulling her to my room. Hand in hand, I led her into my room, "Have a seat, please."

I went to the closet pushed the clothes to the side, revealing the back panel. I felt for the groove that allowed me to open a hidden compartment, inside I kept one of my most treasured possessions. I pulled the book free and wiped off the dust, it was minimal as I had brought it out a lot in recent times. Grasping the book close to my chest I approached the tan girl who looked at me with love and curiosity.

With a deep breath, I prepared to share my treasure, "Okay, so I have kept this for so many years. This is one of my most treasured possessions. This, hopefully, solidifies everything I have told you about how I have always loved you," I turned the book so that the cover faced her and handed it to her.

She ran her soft hands over the leather binding and silver script letters across the top center. It read, "My Forever". I couldn't' take my eyes off of her, what if she thought this was creepy. Inside this scrapbook were several pictures and stories and poems, written for and about my mermaid. She looked up, fingering the edge, as if asking permission to open it. I nodded.

The first page was of the first picture we ever took together. We were at the park, bathing in the sun, holding each other close with big smiles on our faces. Under the picture I had written, "This is just the beginning."

She continued flipping through the scrapbook, running her fingers over each and every image and reading every piece of writing I had included. She seemed surprised as she got further in and discovered the newspaper clippings of my "disappearance", of her swim records from the bigger swim meets that made the paper. I thought she was going to be angry when she came across the articles that took place after my declared death, but she only nodded to herself.

She raised her eyes back up to mine, shining with tears, "Ali…I'm speechless. Thank you for showing me this. I mean, this is so beautiful, Alison. Those poems and stories, they're very impressive. They're beautiful. This scrapbook is so beautiful. I can't believe that you have had this. And you had it with you when you were gone? These articles, the disappearance, the swim records, you kept it updated?" she was in awe, clearly.

I reached for her hands and held them together in my own, looking into her eyes, "I needed you with me always, Em. Even when I couldn't stay here, I needed you. I had ways of getting the paper and maintaining a watch on you. I was always trying to make sure you were okay, Em. I guess I failed a lot, I mean, it's my fault you can't swim anymore, and I am so sorry for taking that away from you. But to answer your question, yes, I had it with me. This book, this is what kept me alive, knowing that I would one day come back and show this to you."

She closed the book that was still laid out on her lap and sat it to the side, standing up, she placed both hands on my waist and pulled me into a tight embrace. How had I gotten so lucky to have this beautiful girl, who is so far out of my league, here with me? There's something magical about achieving the goal of winning your first love and having them be part of your life in the way that you always wanted.

Pulling away we kissed and I couldn't help but smile. I finally had something truly good, something I recognized as love, despite having never understood the concept. This was the exception. Emily is always the exception.

I finally came back to reality and heard my ipod still playing music, it was _Gravity_ by Sara Bareilles, I looked back at Em and held out a hand, "Dance with me?"

Placing my hands around the back of her neck, I spun my mermaid around my room, holding her close and placing slow kisses along her jaw. Her hands held fast at my waist with a bit more pressure than necessary. She was tense for sure. After several songs of spinning and dipping, I felt her finally relaxed. My face was buried in her neck as I placed soft kisses here and there, and whispered my love to her.

The old grandfather clock began chiming, already eight. How had it gotten so late? What had happened to the day?

"Are you hungry, babe? We can order pizza or I can cook something up?" I asked her, kind of hoping that maybe we could cook together.

Her eyes saddened a little as she spoke, "Actually, I need to get home to my mom, Ali… I wish I could stay, sleeping with you by my side is the most beautiful experience. Other than holding you close or kissing you, those are pretty beautiful experiences too. I love you," she explained. "I'll come over tomorrow for sure, I don't want to be away from you for too long, not after I just got you back."

After Emily left, I realized how lonely I really was here. The house creaked of age and emptiness. It still made me jump, the fear still fresh in my mind of the memories that this house contained.

**So, I apologize for the wait. I'm in the Navy, so it takes awhile for me to get some free time. I know this is pretty short, but I do plan on continuing it and hopefully bettering it. It's a little cheesy, but I just want to write what I think would be cute. You guys should let me know what you want to happen, because your opinion is pretty relevant. So yeah, let me know.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone, sorry for how long it has been since I last updated! I was home on leave and have just transferred to a new command, so I don't have easy access to wifi just yet! I should have that set up around Thursday! Which means a new chapter, which is mostly ready as of right now. I feel like this one is kind of short, so I'm sorry for that. Hopefully you guys enjoy it!**

Emily's POV

Upon arriving home I said a quick hello to my mom before going to my room. I wanted to stay with Ali, I really did, but it got to be too much. I was seriously happy with where this was going, but I really needed to put some thought into this and the conversations that transpired between the two of us. My emotions were on hyper drive and I really just couldn't focus on much of anything. I began to become numb and that feeling of hatred for myself returned.

Pulling open my closet door, I grabbed my backpack. Rummaging through it, I pulled out a small pouch. I unzipped it in a frenzy and pulled my treasures from within: a bottle of pills and a freshly sharpened razor. I needed my release. Grabbing the bottle of Jack from under my bed, I head to the bathroom to sit with my back against the door. Tears gushed from my eyes as I took a couple swigs and popped a few of the pills. I held the blade in my hand and twirled it, thinking of everything that had happened within the last month. Lifting my shirt and lowering my waist band, I revealed my favored location to erase numbness. I fingered the bumpy, scarred, pink flesh and sighed. My release, my safety net. Placing the blade against the sensitive skin, I dragged it slow and deep, watching as droplets began to ooze from the wound. I added another line, inhaling sharply as the shiny metal glided against my skin. Feeling.

This had been a fairly regular occurrence for the past 3 years, I realize suddenly, and guilt creeps into my mind. It was helpful though, I never felt more than after cutting. I shouldn't feel guilty over this.

With another swig of Jack, I got up. I cleaned my new cuts a bit and decided I was too tired to deal with the mess, I would deal with it in the morning. Time to tuck myself into bed, I don't know how to get comfortable without her next to me. I considered texting her, but after noticing it's nearly 2 am, I decided against it. I shouldn't bother her with petty issues. We would talk tomorrow. God, if she knew how hideous I actually am...she wouldn't give me the time of day.

My alarm began going off far too early for my liking. Grabbing my phone I saw that it was 7:30, my old swim alarm. Dismissing the alarm, I rolled back over to find a note in my face. I immediately noticed it was my mother's loopy script that graced the page.

_Hey Em, _

_I'm off to a meeting over in Philly. I'll stop and grab groceries afterward, let me know if there is anything particular that you want. I'll see you tonight._

_Love, Mom_

With a sigh, I rolled out of bed. I guess I have the day to myself. I looked at my phone and thought of calling Ali, maybe she'd want to come over. I already missed her. Yesterday was tense, it was beyond tense, but it was good to have some feelings out in the open. I tried really hard yesterday not to be angry, I hate that feeling. But I can't really lie to myself and say I am not at least a little angry at her. I'm not angry at her for leaving me anymore, I forgave that the instant she returned to me. I can't really place a finger on exactly why I am so angry at her. It's there though, and it's waiting.

My stomach rumbled, causing me to jump and signaling me to go find some form of food. Nothing sounded too appetizing, I never really wanted to eat the morning after I cut. I knew I needed to though, I don't need to turn into what I was before.

**_FLASHBACK_**

_"__Emily, hi, my name is Doctor Ryan Johnson. I see here that you brought yourself in today…for a potential eating disorder. Is this correct?" He asked calmly, without judgement and maybe a hint of sympathy in his voice._

_My knee was shaking nervously, what had I done. What if they tell my mom? _

_I simply nod my head and confirm what he had said. _

_"__Okay, well, Emily. Why don't we talk about why you think you have an eating disorder? There are several different types of eating disorders. Anorexia and Bulimia to name a couple," he explained._

_I swallowed heavily, "I, uh, I guess it's closer to Anorexia, but it's not like that! I eat, kind of, I just don't do it often. And it's in small amounts. I really only eat maybe one small meal a day. But! I do eat. It was a lot worse before," I defended myself._

_"__There are different variations and extremities within the anorexia category, Emily. I would say that you have a mild disorder at this point. I'm proud of you for coming in here by yourself. The first step to solving a problem like this, is admitting you have one. Do you want to tell me what started all of this?" He inquired._

_I sighed, this is the age old question, is it not? This is the question I asked myself so often in the beginning. I knew my answer was not a strong one, and that it was honestly a little pathetic. But with a deep breath, I began to explain, "Well, you see, there was this…person. I was in love with them. They never returned the feelings, and then I ruined something solid between the two of us right before s-they disappeared, or…rather, died. So I guess it comes down to I thought that maybe if I made myself skinnier that sh-they would come back and maybe return the feelings. If I could be skinnier and prettier, maybe they would want me like I wanted them. I guess looking back it's stupid. But don't people always get caught up in their first love?" I hadn't realized I started crying until a tissue was placed in my hands. I raised my eyes to meet his and let out the breath that I had apparently been holding. _

_"__I'm sorry for your loss, but I will do everything I can to help you through this, Emily. You are better than this, I promise. I'll set you up with a good friend of mine, she's more experienced in your age group than I am. I feel that she should be able to help you better than I could. Wait here while I go place a call and check in with her," with that he departed._

**END FLASHBACK**

God, I can't begin to imagine what Ali would say if she knew these things about me. Eating disorders, self-harm, she'd have a field day with this. Well, old Alison would. New Alison would probably say…no, she won't say anything, because she won't know. That's in the past, and I can hide my scars easy enough. So easy that even the other girls didn't know, granted, I had started distancing myself from them all.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by a knock at the front door. I grabbed the nearest blunt object, which happened to be a rolling pin, and began to make my way to the door. Even with Charles gone, it was still too terrifying to open the door without protection. With a raised rolling pin in my hand, I reached to open the door and was greeted by a beautiful blonde. Her smile faltering and flinching as she saw the rolling pin poised to hit her.

Then she smirked and let out a small cough, glancing, obviously, up at the rolling pin. I felt the blush run up my cheeks, and lowered the weapon.

"Good morning, mermaid," she greeted with that sexy Alison DiLaurentis smirk.


	4. Chapter 4

Hi, wow...so it's been awhile. I got really busy with moving commands and getting my living situation all set up. So, you know, sorry about the wait. I know I said I would have this up a lot sooner, but life happens...

Anyways, what did you all think of the premiere?! I am soooo stoked for this season. I have SO many questions! And what about those little Emison moments at the end? AHHH so much love...Still praying for an Emison endgame even though I know it's unlikely...

So, I've had this chapter ready to go for awhile...I hope you like it...

Alison's POV

I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans as I approached her front door. Her mother's car was gone, but hers was still here. With a deep breath, I knocked, hoping that she would answer. When the door finally opened, I flinched at the rolling pin poised to strike me. I guess she was still jumpy about letting people in, understandably. I looked at the rolling pin with a smirk and she lowered it.

"Good morning, mermaid," I said with a smirk, "Got any plans for today?"

She stepped back a little and let me in as she responded, "Yeah, just waiting for you to tell me what they are," she smiled.

I was hoping she'd say something like that. Now to follow through with my plan.

"Hmm…we could have another movie day, lounge around. Or…and feel free to say no, I would like to take you on a date, I mean, if you want to. It doesn't have to be a date. You know what never mind, it's so not a date," I rushed out the words so fast I wasn't even sure that they were English. "Unless you want it to be," I silently chastise myself at how the words came out, this was not the Alison DiLaurentis way. This girl would be the end of me, surely.

"Well I guess we are going on a date then," she replied with a smile, "Have you got something in mind?"

Oh, I had something in mind alright, but all in good time.

"Of course I have a plan, silly. However, the plan involves a slightly later time, so we have about two hours to get ready. I'll be back to pick you up then, okay?" I said with a confirming nod and turned to leave, but I was stopped by a hand on my wrist.

Then her lips were moving against my own, it took me a minute to respond, but the kiss was soft and sweet and full of love. It was a longing, 'see you later' kind of kiss. When she pulled away, I was a little light headed but I looked into her eyes with a smile, caressing her cheek, before turning around and leaving.

This girl, oh my god, she is going to kill me. I got in my car and I made my way home, trying hard to even out my breathing again.

I stared into my closet, trying to decide what to wear. My phone began buzzing and I saw that it was Emily, a small bubble of panic appeared in my chest as I feared she would be cancelling.

"H-Hello, what's up?" I asked nervously.

"Ali, what do I wear? What kind of date is this? Like do I need to dress casual or sporty or fancy or what?" she sounded nervous too, I noticed as she listed all the different styles.

I thought about the place I was taking her, a small hole-in-the-wall French bistro about an hour out of town. It had never seemed too fancy when I visited while I was on the run.

"How about casual, but like, not too casual. Like a fancier kind of casual, that would be good. Like a simple dress or maybe a nice shirt and jeans? You can wear whatever you want to Em, you will look perfect no matter what," I explained with a smile, it really didn't matter what she wore, she would look perfect.

"Thanks, Ali, I'll see you later. I lo-, bye!" she finished and hung up.

That was weird, it sounded like she was going to say she loves me, but why would she stop?

"I love you too, Em," I whispered as I tossed my phone aside to stare my closet down.

In the end, I decided on a nice white blazer with a deep blue blouse that brought out my eyes. It seemed incomplete so I added my favorite yellow and blue scarf for a nice pop of color. Finishing out the look with a nice pair of jeans, I threw on a pair of heels and examined myself in the mirror.

Checking the time, I realized that I had about an hour left and I realized I had yet to do my makeup or hair. I decided on simple make up today, for a more natural look. I brushed through my hair and let my natural waves fall as they pleased, perfectly around my shoulders. I grabbed Em's favorite vanilla perfume off of the armoire and with a spritz, I was done. I grabbed my phone and purse, heading downstairs, I had about ten minutes to get to her house. Plenty of time.

Upon pulling into her drive way, those familiar butterflies erupted in my stomach again. Why does she make me so nervous? Hopping out of my car, I made my way to her front door. Drying my hands on my pants as I made my way.

"Okay, Alison, you can do this. You've hung out with Emily so many times before, why is this time any different? Well I guess a date is certainly a good reason to be nervous. But come on, you are Alison DiLaurentis, you do not get nervous," I demanded at myself, "Unless Emily's involved apparently…" my pep talk ended when Emily opened the door with a small smirk upon her lips and a blush in her cheeks.

I instantly felt my face warm up for fear that she had been listening to my speech.

After a few seconds my brain took in the sight before me, I don't think I have ever seen Emily look more beautiful. She had on what appeared to be a newer pair of black converse, a pair of black skinny jeans that made her legs even more delicious than normal, and a deep red blouse that complimented her skin perfectly. Her hair fell gracefully, splayed across her shoulders. My mouth fell open and a rush of heat hit the depths of my stomach as I took in her appearance.

"Em…you look, wow, you look so beautiful," I finally pulled myself together enough to speak. The blush upon my cheeks deepening.

"Thanks Ali, you look gorgeous," she replied.

To stop myself from staring I held out my hand after wiping it casually on my jeans and after she grasped my hand, we made our way to my car. I escorted her to the passenger side and opened the door for her, allowing her to slide in before making my way over to the driver's side. My heart was practically beating out of my chest, the girl I loved was in my car about to go on a date with me. How much better could it get?

"So…that was some pep talk you had going, Ali," she smirked at me.

"I, well, uh…you make me nervous. I get butterflies around you, and I was, am, freaking out over this date. I don't want to fuck it up, and we both know how good I am at fucking things up…" I finished weakly.

She grabbed my hand that had been resting in my lap and held it in hers, linking our fingers. She brought our joined hands to her lips and placed a kiss on the back of mine, "Hey, don't worry about that kind of thing. You've made mistakes, so what, we have all made mistakes. It's part of being human. Don't be nervous, either. We've gone places together before, just the two of us. Don't be nervous," she comforted me.

I looked at her and smiled, not my usual mean DiLaurentis smile, it was the smile that I reserved specifically for the girl beside me. How could I be so lucky that she is actually giving me another chance to make things right?

Trying to pay attention to the road with the most beautiful girl in the world next to me was proving to be an increasingly difficult task. My eyes continually wondered over to her, looking her up and down. All I could think about was how much I wanted her in every possible way. My body heated up at the thought of what I wanted to do to her, and I felt the blush creep up my cheeks.

"You alright Ali? You seem flushed, and your hand is very warm," she looked over to me and as I looked back our eyes locked. Her eyes searched my own, and warm brown eyes began to darken. "Can you uh, pull over real quick. There in that empty parking lot," she said pointing to the parking lot a few yards ahead of us. Her wish was my command and as soon as I had put the vehicle in park she had unbuckled her seatbelt and was turning my face towards hers crashing our lips together.

This kiss was powerful, hungry, and full of desire. Clashing teeth and lips, and after forcing her way in, a battle of dominance between our tongues. Her hands flew into my hair and pulled me even closer as I struggled to make my hands remove my seatbelt. I reached for the handle at the base of the seat and moved the driver seat backwards, making room for Emily to come over and straddle my lap.

My hands flew to her hips as she sat on my lap, pressing our bodies closer together. A moan escaped her lips and with that a pool of wetness flooded my center. As she readjusted, I felt her own heat emitting from her center that was pressed tight against my stomach. The longing grew and I knew what I needed to do.

I pulled back a little to search her eyes and they were darkened with desire, "Em…we should stop," I panted, "We should really stop, because if this goes any further…I don't want you to have any regrets."

She looked into my now very dark blue eyes and pouted, "I don't want to stop."

"But babe, this isn't a romantic place. If…when this goes further, I want it to be somewhere nicer than some crummy parking lot. Please?" I begged, I really needed our first time to be somewhere nice and romantic, and I knew where I wanted this to happen. A car in the middle of a parking lot was not where I wanted this to happen. "Also, we have a reservation to make," I explained.

She huffed and pulled another pouty face at me, then leaned in and kissed me a quick peck on the lips before climbing back into her seat. After readjusting my seat I reached over and grabbed her hand, "hey, I'm sorry. I want this, trust me, you have no idea how bad I want this. But not here, not now. I have other plans," I finished with a wink and placed a kiss on her hand.


	5. AN

So...my computer crashed and all the prewritten chapters I had been working on for both of my stories have been deleted...it's pretty irritating to be honest. I think I am done with this little stint on here. Though, I have another Emison story I had been working on, on actual paper, that I might just type up and put on wattpad. Anyways...sorry bout that. I might rewrite some chapters for these two...but they won't be as good as what I had saved up. but hmm...let me know what you think. My username on Wattpad is LaFantaa


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